LOTR 1... finally found it... but well... ya... I amar prestar aen… han mathon ne nen… han mathon ne chae… a han noston ned gwilith. Much that once was is lost. For none now live who remember it. It began with the forging of the great rings. Three were given to the Elves, immortal, wisest and fairest of all beings. Seven to the Dwarf lords, great miners and craftsmen of the mountain halls. And nine, nine rings were gifted to the race of Men, who above all else, desire power. For within these rings was bound the strength and will to govern each race. But they were all of them deceived, for another ring was made. In the land of Mordor, in the fires of Mount Doom, the Dark Lord Sauron forged in secret a master ring, to control all others. And into this Ring, he poured his cruelty, his malice and his will to dominate all life. Strider: Gentlemen, we do not stop till nightfall. Frodo: I will take the Ring to Mordor. Though-- I do not know the way. Merry: Hey! Hey you! Over here!
The world is changed.
I feel it in the water.
I feel it in the Earth.
I smell it in the air.
"One Ring to rule them all."
Pippin: Done.
Merry: You’re supposed to stick it in the ground!
Pippin: It is in the ground.
Merry: Outside!
Pippin: It was your idea!
Bilbo: My dear Bagginses and Boffins, Tooks and Brandybucks, Grubbs, Chubbs, Hornblowers, Bolgers, Bracegirdles and Proudfoots.
Proudfoot Hobbit: Proudfeet!
One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them. One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them.
Pippin: What about breakfast?
Strider: We’ve already had it.
Pippin: We've had one yes. What about second breakfast?
Merry: Don't think he knows about second breakfast Pip.
Pippin: What about elevenses? Luncheon? Afternoon tea? Dinner? Supper? He knows about them doesn’t he?
Merry: I wouldn't count on it.
Gandalf: I will help you bear this burden, Frodo Baggins, so long as it is yours to bear.
Aragorn: If by my life or death, I can protect you, I will.
Aragorn: You have my sword.
Legolas: And you have my bow.
Gimli: And my axe!
Boromir: You carry the fates of us all little one. If this is indeed the will of the council, then Gondor will see it done.
Sam: Heh! Mr. Frodo is not goin’ anywhere without me!
Elrond: No indeed, it is hardly possible to separate you even when he is summoned to a secret council and you are not.
Pippin and Merry: Wait! We are coming too!
Merry: You'd have to send us home tied up in a sack to stop us!
Pippin: Anyway you need people of intelligence on this sort of mission, quest... thing.
Merry: Well that rules you out Pip.
Elrond: Nine companions... So be it! You shall be the Fellowship of the Ring!
Pippin: Great! Where are we going?
They have a cave troll. *rolls eyes*
- Boromir
Nobody tosses a dwarf.
- Gimli
Not the beard!
- Gimli
Pippin: Hey!
Merry: Over here!
Pippin: This way!
Pippin: Its working!
Merry: I know its working! Run!
The ending just cracks me up... lol...
NOw....
LOTR 3
=]
PIPPIN : I feel like I'm back at the Green Dragon, after a hard days work.
MERRY : Only, you've never done a hard days work.
GIMLI : You young rascals! A merry hunt you've led us on, and now we find you feasting and smoking.
PIPPIN : (mouth full) We are sitting on a field of victory, enjoying a few well-earned comforts. The salted pork is particularly good.
GIMLI : Salted pork?
GANDALF : Hobbits! (n: since pippin was talking with his mouth full, 'sitting' sounded like 'shitting')
Oh, you can search -- up and down As many lands as can be found
But you'll never find a beer so brown
As the one we drink in our home town
You can keep your fancy ales
You can drink them by the flagon
But the only brew, for the brave and true
Comes from the Green Dragon!
- Merry and Pippin's song
GANDALF : Of all the inquisitive Hobbits, Peregrin Took, you are the worst. Hurry, hurry! PIPPIN : Where are we going?
MERRY : Why did you look -- why do you always have to look?
PIPPIN : I don't know... I can't help it.
MERRY : You never can...
Now, listen carefully. Lord Denethor is Boromir's father. To give him news of his beloved son's death would be most unwise...
And do not mention Frodo...
Or the Ring...
And say nothing of Aragorn either.
In fact, it's better if you don't speak at all, Peregrin Took.
- Gandalf
FARAMIR : You wish now that our places had been exchanged, that I had died and Boromir had lived?
DENETHOR : Yes, I wish that.
FARAMIR : Since you are robbed of Boromir, I will do what I can in his stead.
FARAMIR : If I should return... think better of me, father.
Home is behind, the world ahead, And there are many paths to tread.
Through shadow to the edge of night Until the stars are all alight.
Mist and shadow, cloud and shade: All shall fade, all shall fade.
- Pippin's song
EOMER : You should not encourage him.
EOWYN : And you should not doubt him.
EOMER : I do not doubt his heart... Only the reach of his arm.
GIMLI : And just where do you think you're off to?
ARAGORN : Not this time... This time you must stay, my friend.
LEGOLAS : Have you learnt nothing of the stubbornness of Dwarves?
Well, this is a thing unheard of... An Elf will go underground when a Dwarf dare not. Oh! I'd never hear the end of it!
- Gimli
Wake up... don't leave me here alone. Don't go where I can't follow. Wake up!
- Frodo
PIPPIN : I didn't think it would end this way...
GANDALF : End? No, the journey doesn't end here.
GANDALF : Death is just another path, one that we all must take.
Plenty for the both of us... May the best dwarf win!
- Gimli
Certainty of death. Small chance of success. What are we waiting for?
- Gimli
GIMLI : Never thought I'd die fighting side by side with an Elf.
LEGOLAS : What about side by side with a friend?
GIMLI : Aye -- I could do that.
For Frodo...
- Aragorn
My friends... you bow to no-one.
- Aragorn
And thus it was a Fourth Age of Middle- earth began, and the Fellowship of the Ring, though eternally bound by friendship and love, was ended. Thirteen months to the day since Gandalf sent us on our long journey...
...we found ourselves looking upon a familiar sight... We were home!
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart you begin to understand. There is no going back. There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep. That have taken hold.
Bilbo once told me, the great stories never end -- that each of us must come and go in the telling. His part in this tale was now over. There would be no more journeys for Bilbo. Save one.
My dear Sam. You cannot always be torn in two. You have to be one and whole for many years. You have so much enjoy and to be and to do. Because Sam, your part in the journey goes on.
- Frodo (V.O)
Even reading the script i feel like crying... or maybe it's just cause the weather is a little cold tonight...
MEN IN BLACK
actually i prefer the second one... but at the moment i can't find it...
The difference between you and me? I make this look good.
- Jay
KAY : Not so fast. Walk up slow.
JAY : Why?
KAY : Part of the routine. Makes it look like we're sizing up the situation. Gives her time to get the wrong impression.
JAY : That's what he said. Didn't he? Right after he -- Oh, for Christ's sake, you did the flashy thing already.
LAUREL : Uh, hi, whoever you guys are, I'm afraid I'm going to need to see some ID if you're going to be in the morgue, okay?
KAY : Sure thing, sweetheart. Here you go.
*flash*
JAY : Stop that --
KAY : Typical day, too much caffeine, get a life. (to laurel)
JAY : -- that thing probably gives you brain cancer!
KAY : Never hurt her before.
JAY : "Never hurt her before"?! How many times have you done the flashy thing to this poor woman?!
KAY : Couple.
JAY : Aren't you worried about, you know, long term damage?
KAY : Little bit.
JAY : What the hell happened to make you such a callous son of a bitch?
KAY : I took this job.
JAY : Hey, have you ever flashy thing me?
KAY : Nah.
JAY : I'm asking you, have you ever flashy thing-ed me?
*exit morgue*
JAY : Hey, Kay, I really think I should be in charge of the flashy memory thing department.
KAY : Not while I'm around, Slim.
JAY : Yeah, well you're a menace with that thing...
KAY : (to an MIB Agent) We've got two dead aliens in there, and a deputy medical coroner in need of a new memory.
*seeing Jay's face* Make it a... happy memory.
You humans, when're you gonna learn that size doesn't matter? Just 'cause something's important, doesn't mean it's not very, very small.
- Frank the pug
JAY : I'll handle this one, you wait outside.
KAY : What the hell for?
JAY : Because all we have to do is walk in and get a cat, it's not that hard. But if you go in, you're gonna lay your Jack Webb on her and flash your brain ray in her face and she's gonna end up with leukemia or some shit. The woman's a doctor, she doesn't need you erasing half her med school classes. Take me five minutes.
KAY : Pull up the locations of all land-based interstellar vehicles.
ZED : They're all gone. Frank the Pug took the last ship on the planet.
KAY : Atlantic City?
ZED : Gone.
KAY : That landfill on the Jersey Shore?
ZED : Gone.
JAY : Uh, gentlemen.
KAY : Epcot?
ZED : Gone.
KAY : Miami Beach?
ZED : Gone.
JAY : Fellas.
KAY : Hartford?
ZED : Gone, thank God.
JAY : Hey. Old guys.
Kay and Zed both look up at once, scowling.
JAY : Do those still work?
I haven't been training a partner -- I've been training a replacement.
- Kay
That's the end of the MIB script... but halfway through i found the LOTR one... but it starts from the second one... i dunno where's the first....
so... LOTR : Two Towers
Oh yes, lovely – Lembas bread. And look! More lembas bread.
I am wasted on cross-country! We dwarves are natural sprinters! Very dangerous over short distances!
- Gimli
I would cut off your head, Dwarf, if it stood but a little higher from the ground.
- Eomer
Hiro îth… ab 'wanath... (May they find peace in death)
- Legolas
Cold be heart and hand and bone. Cold be travellers far from home.
They do not see what lies ahead, when sun has failed and moon is dead.
- Gollum
Oh. You would not part an old man from his walking stick?
- Gandalf
Sméagol: They are young. They are tender. They are nice. Yes they are! Eat them! Eat them!
Sam: You’ll make him sick, you will, behaving like that! There’s only one way to eat a brace of coneys.
Sméagol:Argh!! What’s it doing! Stupid fat hobbit! It ruins it!
Sam: What’s to ruin? There’s hardly any meat on ‘em.
Sam: What we need is a few good taters.
Gollum: What’s taters, preciousss? What’s taters uh?
Sam: PO-TAY-TOES! Boil ‘em. Mash ‘em. Stick ‘em in a stew. Lovely big golden chips with a nice piece of fried fish....
Sméagol: Pbbbttt!!
Sam: Even you couldn’t say no to that.
Sméagol: Oh yes we could! Spoil nice fish... Give it to usss rrraw... and wrrriggling! You keep nasty chips.
Sam: You’re hopeless.
Gimli: It’s true you don’t see many Dwarf women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, haha that they’re often mistaken for Dwarf men.
Aragorn: It’s the beards.... (Whispers)
Gimli: And this, in turn, has given rise to the belief that there are no Dwarf women. And that dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground!
Bring your pretty face to my axe!
- Gimli
Frodo: We are hobbits of the Shire. Frodo Baggins is my name and this is Samwise Gamgee.
Faramir: Your bodyguard?
Sam: His gardener.
The rock and pool is nice and cool, so juicy sweet! I only wish to catch a fish, so juicy sweet!
- Gollum
If we had more time I’d get this adjusted. It’s a little tight across the chest.
- Gimli
I bring word from Elrond of Rivendell. An alliance once existed between Elves and men. Long ago we fought and died together. We come to honor that allegiance.
- Haldir
Gimli: You could have picked a better spot.
Gimli: Well lad, whatever luck you live by, let’s hope it lasts the night.
Legolas: Your friends are with you, Aragorn.
Gimli: Let’s hope they last the night.
Shall I describe it to you? Or would you like me to find you a box?
- Legolas
Gimli: Legolas, two already!
Legolas: I’m on seventeen!
Gimli: Argh! I’ll have no pointy-ear outscoring me!
Gimli: Come on! We can take ‘em!
Aragorn: It’s a long way.
Gimli: Toss me.
Aragorn: What?
Gimli: I cannot jump the distance! You’ll have to toss me!
Gimli: Oh! Don’t tell the Elf.
Aragorn: Not a word.
Let this be the hour when we draw swords together. Fell deeds awake. Now for wrath! Now for ruin! And a red dawn!
- Théoden
Sam: I wonder if we’ll ever be put into songs or tales.
Frodo: What?
Sam: I wonder if people will ever say, ‘let’s hear about Frodo and the Ring.’ And they’ll say ‘yes, that’s one of my favorite stories. Frodo was really courageous, wasn’t he, dad.’ ‘Yes, my boy, the most famousest of hobbits. And that’s saying alot.’
Frodo: Huh, you left out one of the chief characters – Samwise the Brave. I want to hear more about Sam.
Frodo: Frodo wouldn’t have got far without Sam.
Sam: Now Mr. Frodo, you shouldn’t make fun. I was being serious.
Frodo: So was I.
Sam: Samwise the Brave...
END OF LOTR TT
Well.. i was flipping through the scripts as usual and my old habit kicked up... and well.. i came across a familiar show... that i happened to love... and well.. i couldn't resist and that happens often.. so
well anyways.. this show is one of the funniest i've ever watched and it was one of those that made me laugh till my stomach ached... so... yeah...
BRUCE ALMIGHTY
BRUCE : I mean, it's just s o . . .
GRACE : Helpful and life saving?
BRUCE : C'mon, that's your...blood. It's in your body and I don't think it's supposed to come out. Besides, they stockpile that stuff. They have an endless supply frozen in a warehouse somewhere then tell everyone there's a shortage.
GRACE : They do not. Now stop it. I'm * giving. I have a very rare blood * type, AB positive.
BRUCE : Well, I'm IB positive. IB positive they aint touchin' me with no needle.
Sorry, honey. My sister seems to think she's my mother.
- Grace
Thank you, Susan , Bruce Nolan here aboard the Maid of the Mist at Niagara falls.
First off, "I want to add another congratulations to Evan Baxter. It's good to see what someone with real talent can accomplish when great opportunities are given to him instead of me.
Anyway, I'm here, I believe with Katherine Hepburn's mom. Tell me, why did you toss the blue "heart of the ocean" jewel over the railing of Titanic?
Did you feel guilty at all letting Leonardo Decaprio freeze, while you were safe floating on the big door? Do you think he would have survived if you had taken turns, or were you too afraid to freeze your big fat ass off?
Well, I guess that's the way life works, isn't it? Some people are drenched, freezing to death, on a stupid boat, with a stupid umbrella... while others who aren't fit to kiss my willy, are sitting in a nice, comfy news room, sucking up all the glory!!!
Now, lets speak to the owner. Come on in here, Bill. Bill, you.'ve been running the Maid of the Mist for 23 years. Tell me, why do you think I didn't get the anchor job?
Do you think it's my hair? Maybe my teeth aren't white enough? Or like the great falls, is the bedrock of my life slowly erroding underneath me.
Erroding. Erroooding. Errodiiiing...
I'm Bruce Nolan for Eyewitness news. Back to you fuckers
-Bruce
Denied that promotion at work? Is life unfair? Everywhere you turn is there someone less talented than you reaping all the benefits ? Is your name Bruce? Then do we have the job for you. We're located at 77256 23rd Street... So come on down, or we'll just keep beepin' ya.
- Beeper
I'm having a breakdown. That's what it is. Just a normal, everyday psychotic episode, brought on by tumor or brain lesion...
- Bruce
Ah, there we go. Sorry about that. The Prime Minister of Sweden visited Washington today as my little tiny nipples moved to France-
The White House reception committee greeted the Prime Rib Roast Minister and I do the cha cha like a sissy girl...
I lika do da cha cha...
- Evan (Bruce is fooling him)
Quite a nice show i must say. real touching at the end... but nonetheless just as comedic... =]
RUSH HOUR 2!!!!
That was my CD. Don't you ever touch a Chinese man's CD.
- Lee
CARTER : Don't be giving me attitude, Lee.
I've been here three days and we haven't done shit.
We haven't been to a club, haven't even talked to a girl.
I'm on vacation, and I want some mu-shu.
LEE : Mu-shu? You're hungry?
CARTER : Not Mu-shu. Mu-shu. I want to see some women.
Now stop playing dumb and show me the shu!
LEE : In Hong Kong, I am Michael Jackson, and you are Toto.
CARTER : You mean Tito. Toto's what we had last night for dinner.I come back and catch y'all singing Michael Jackson and you're all going to jail.
- Carter
Matthew lawrence is hott!
FINDING NEMO!!!
All right, I know one joke. Um, there's a mollusk, see? And he walks up to a sea, well he doesn't walk up, he swims up. Well, actually the mollusk isn't moving. He's in one place and then the sea cucumber, well they--I mixed up. There was a mollusk and a sea cucumber. None of them were walking, so forget that I--
Actually I do know one that's pretty good. There was this mollusk and he walks up to a sea cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke, everyone talks. So the sea mollusk says to the cucumber...
- Marlin
An anemo-none. A nemenem-menome-nememen-nenemone--
- Nemo
A boat? Hey, I've seen a boat. It passed by not too long ago. It went this way, it went this way. Follow me!
- Dory
'I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself. Fish are friends, not food.'
- Bruce
BRUCE : It has been three weeks since my last fish, on my honor, or may I be chopped up and made into soup.
CHUM : You're an inspiration to all of us.
Look, here's something! 'ESSS-CA-PE'! I wonder what that means. It's funny, it's spelled just like the word 'escape'.
- Dory
DORY : [singing] Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming. What do we do? We swim, swim.
MARLIN : Dory, no singing.
DORY : [singing] Ho ho ho ho ho ho! I love to swim! When you want to swim..
MARLIN : See, I'm going to get stuck now with that song now it's in my head!
DORY : Aaah! Something's got me!
MARLIN : That was me. I'm sorry.
DORY : [gasps] Who was that?
MARLIN : Who could it be? It's me!
DORY : Are..are you my conscience?
MARLIN : Yeah, yeah. I'm your conscience. We haven't spoken for a while. How are you?
DORY : Hmm, can't complain.
MARLIN : Yeah? Good. Now, Dory. I want you to tell me..do you see anything?
DORY : I see..I see a light.
MARLIN : A light.
DORY : Yeah. Over there. Hey, conscience. Am I dead?
MARLIN : No, I see it too.
Nemo! Newcomer of orange and white, you have been called forth to the summit of Mount Wannahockaloogie to join with us in the fraternal bonds of tankhood.
- Bloat
GILL : From this moment on, you will now be known as Sharkbait.
BLOAT/BUBBLES/GURGLE : Sharkbait! Ooh ha ha!
GILL : Welcome, brother Sharkbait!
BLOAT/BUBBLES/GURGLE :Sharkbait! Ooh ha ha!
GILL : Enough with the Sharkbait.
GURGLE : Sharkbait! Ooh..ba-ba-doo.
BLOAT : Aye!
JAQUES : Aye!
DEB : Aye!
BUBBLES : Aye!
GURGLE : I think your nuts.
I'm going to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Where are you going? I'm going to P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. If you're askin' where I'm goin'. I'll tell you that's where I'm going. It's P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Where? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you. P. Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way...
P. Sherman 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney. Why do I have to tell you over and over again? I'll tell you again. I don't get tired of it--
- Dory
MARLIN : What's the matter? While they're doing their silly little impressions, I am miles from home, with a fish that can't even remember her own name.
DORY : Boy, bet that's frustrating.
I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy. Come here, Squishy. Come here, little Squishy.
- Dory
First you were like, 'whoa'! And then we were all like, 'whoa'! And then you were like, 'whoa'.
- Crush
Oh, intro. Jellyman, Offspring. Offspring, Jellyman.
- Crush
CRUSH : All right, we're here, dudes! Get ready! Your exit's comin' up, man!
MARLIN : Where!? I don't see it!
DORY : Right there! I see it! I see it!
MARLIN : You mean the swirling vortex of terror!?
CRUSH : That's it, dude!
MARLIN : Of course it is.
CRUSH : Okay, first: find your exit buddy!
Do you have your exit buddy?
DORY : Yes!
CRUSH :Okay, Squirt here will now give you a rundown of proper exiting technique!
SQUIRT : Good afternoon, we're gonna have a great jump today! Okay, crank a hard cutback as you hit the wall! There's a screaming bottom turn, so watch out! Remember: rip it, roll it and punch it!
MARLIN : It's like he's trying to speak to me, I know it! You know, you're really cute! But I don't know what you're saying! Say the first thing again!
DORY : Hey, how about we play a game?
MARLIN : Okay.
DORY : Uh, Okay. I'm thinking of something, uh, orange. And it's small..
MARLIN : It's me.
DORy : Right. Okay..
..orange, and uh, small..
MARLIN : It's me.
DORY : All righty, Mr. Smarty pants.
..orange and small, and white stripes..
MARLIN : Me. And the next one's just a guess: me.
DORY : Okay, that's just scary.
DORY : Oh. Oh, oh, big fella. Big fe--whale. Okay. Maybe he only speaks whale.
MOOOOO-WEEEEEEE-NEEEEED...
MARLIN : Uh, Dory.. What're you doing?
DORY : TOOOOOOO-FIIIIIIND...
MARLIN : What're you doing?
DORY : HIS-SOOOOOOOOOOON...
MARLIN : Are you sure you speak whale?
DORY : CAN-YOOOOOOOOUUU-GIIIIIIIIIVE-USSSS-DIRECTIOOOOOOOONS-TOOOOOOOOO...
MARLIN : Dory! Heaven knows what you're saying! See, he's swimming away.
DORY : COOOME-BAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
MARLIN : He's not coming back. You offended him.
DORY : Maybe a different dialect. MOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MOOOOOAAAAAAAAAA..!
MARLIN : Dory. Dory, this is not whale. You're speaking like..upset stomach.
DORY : Maybe I should try humpback.
MARLIN : No, don't try humpback.
DORY : WAAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOO!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAOOOOOOOO!!!
MARLIN : Okay, you actually sound sick.
DORY : Maybe louder, huh? RAAAH!!! RAAAAH!!!
MARLIN : Don't do that!
DORY : Too much orca. Didn't it sound a little orca-ish?
MARLIN : It doesn't sound orca! It sounds like nothing I've ever heard!
DORy : MOOOO..MOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
No, you can't! You think you could do these things but you can't, Nemo!
- Marlin
MARLIN : THAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANK-YOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUU-SIIIRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!
DORY : Wow. I wish I could speak whale.
NEMO : Exchange student.
SQUIRT : I'm from the EAC, dude!
MR. RAY : Sweet.
NEMO/SQUIRT : Totally.
i was laughing my ass of the whole time i read through the script.... lol
well... i was just watching the taiwanese entertainment news and they just showed a pair of twins who just let out a new cd. and their group name is '2moro' which we familiarly know as GUO YAN FU and GUO YAN (i think) JUN.... or even more.
GUO YAN FU as WANG JIAN YI in WU CHU CAI HONG
GUO YAN JUN as smtg ZHENG HAO in ZHEN MING TIAN Nü
so... as i said... they were having an autograph session when this is what YAN FU said.
"你喜欢哥哥就是喜欢弟弟. 喜欢弟弟就是喜欢哥哥. 那两个都喜欢就是支持'2moro'. 所以谢谢各位."
lol
well... i've found myself flipping through all the scripts and i found 'DUMB AND DUMBER'...
That's it! I've had it with this ump! We don't have food, we don't have jobs, our pets' heads are falling off, we're surrounded by roving gangs of larcenous old ladies... - Llyod
Petey, I made a promise to you once, man... ...and I'll be damned if I can remember what it was. - Harry
LLOYD : Why'd you do that?
HARRY : What?
LLOYD : Take your seatbelt off.
HARRY : Because we just cleared the danger zone.
LLOYD : Huh?
HARRY : Don't you know anything, Lloyd? Ninety percent of all accidents happen within five miles of home. We've already traveled 6.3 miles.
HARRY : How far have we gone?
LLOYD : According to this map, about an inch and a half.
HARRY : I believe you're wrong, Lloyd.
LLYOD : And I believe I'm right, Harry.
HARRY : I still say wrong, Lloyd.
LLOYD : How much you wanna bet?
HARRY : I don't bet.
LLOYD : What do you mean you don't bet?
HARRY : I mean I don't gamble, you know that. Never have and never will.
LLOYD : Oh, bull. I'll bet you our next meal that I can get you gambling before the day's out.
HARRY : There's no way, Lloyd. You can't do it.
LLOYD : I'll give you three-to-one odds. That's three feedbags if you win, against only one if you lose.
HARRY : You're wasting your money, Lloyd. I already told you, I don't gamble.
LLYOD : Okay, five-to-one I can get you gambling before the day's out.
HARRY : Sorry, pal, no way.
LLOYD : Make it ten-to-one.
HARRY : You got yourself a bet, sucker!
I called her up and she gave me some crap about me not listening to her enough or something like that. I wasn't really paying attention. - Harry
LLOYD : You're it.
HARRY : You're it.
LLOYD : You're it. Quitsies.
HARRY : Anti-quitsies. You're it. Quitsies. No anti-quitsies. No startsies.
HARRY : It's a fruit.
LLOYD : It's a vegetable.
HARRY : I'm telling you, it's a fruit.
LLOYD : And I happen to know it's a vegetable.
HARRY : Tell you what, why don't we let an impartial judge decide.
LLOYD : Fine with me.
HARRY : Hey, Mr. Mentalino, settle our bet: Are jelly beans fruits or vegetables?
LOYD : Okay, Harry, my turn. Let 'er rip.
Harry lifts a cheer and lets out a LOUD FART. Lloyd SNIFFS a few times, then closes his eyes and WAFTS it up toward his nostrils, as if it was the aroma of a fine wine.
LLOYD : Hmmm... full-bodied, delicate bouquet, aged to perfection will rip no fart before it's time.
HARRY : Come on, Marquis of Dingleberry's rules: you got ten seconds.
LLOYD : All right. I'll say: cheese doodles, chili dog extra onions, garden salad with blue...
HARRY : And...?
LLOYD : Kit-Kat bar.
HARRY : You're the best, man. Okay, my turn.
LLOYD : Where are your manners, Harry? We have a guest.
HARRY : Come on, Mr. Mentalino. Let one fly. It's only a buck.
Small comfort coming from a man who sells dead birds to blind kids. - Harry
HARRY:Don't you get it, Lloyd. I've got a dead guy pissed at me. His restless spirit will probably haunt me for the next seventy-five years.
LLOYD : That's ridiculous. You probably won't live to see forty.
LLOYD : Tell you what you can send up, my friend how about some chow?
BELL CAPTAIN : I'll bring you a menu.
LLOYD : Don't bother. Just order us one of everything.
HARRY : One of everything? Lloyd...
LLOYD : Oh, sorry.
Make that two of everything.
HARRY : Sure, but do you really think you needed to buy those two surfboards?
LLOYD : Surfboards? I thought those were beginner's skis.
MARY : Thanks. I love dogs, too. So how are you involved with them?
HARRY : Oh, I've trained them, bathed them, clipped them; I've even bred them.
MARY : Really? Any unusual breeding?
HARRY : Nah, mostly just doggie-style. But one time we successfully mated a Bulldog and a Shitzu.
MARY : Really? That's weird.
HARRY : Yeah. We called it a Bullshit.
now... you'll just have to wait for some other script i run across... which will be real soon...
Urm... little bored... so..
AUSTIN POWERS - THE SPY WHO SHAGGED ME
Machine gun jubblies, how did I miss those? - Austin
Yes, mojo. The mojo is the life force, the essence, the libido, the "right stuff". - Frau
DR. EVIL : Why make trillions when we could make...
Billions?
NUMBER TWO : Excuse me?
DR. EVIL : Why think small is all I'm saying.
SCOTT : A trillion is more than a billion, numb-nuts.
Austin Powers is the snake to my mongoose, or the mongoose to my snake. Either way it's bad, I don't know animals. But I do know this: This time it's personal. - Dr. Evil
Those bastards will have to kill me before I let anything happen to this wee naked hairy popsicle, sir! - Fat Soldier played by Mike Myers
MODEL(thick Russian accent) : Ivana Humpalot.
AUSTIN : Excuse me?
IVANA : Ivana. Ivana Humpalot.
AUSTIN : And I vanna toilet made of solid gold but it's just not in the cards, now is it?
IVANA : Do you know how we keep warm in Russia?
AUSTIN : I can guess, baby.
IVANA : We play chess.
AUSTIN : I guessed wrong.
So, Basil, if I travel back to 1969 and I was frozen in 1967, I could go look at my frozen self. But, if I'm still frozen in 1967, how could I have been unthawed in the 90's and traveled back to the Sixties? Oh, no, I've gone cross-eyed. - Austin
FELICITY : Austin Powers, I presume?
AUSTIN : Powers by name, Powers by reputation.
FELICITY : Felicity Shagwell, CIA. Shagwell by name, Shag-very-Well by reputation.
He's evil, he wants to take over the world, and he fits easily into most overhead storage bins. - Dr. Evil on Mini-me
DR. EVIL : Fire the lazer!
NUMBER TWO : My God, Dr. Evil, you destroyed the White House with no warning!
DR. EVIL : Actually, that was just footage from the 1996 blockbuster motion Picture Independence Day, but it would be alot like that.
Fat Bastard, in addition to being extremely rotund, you're a vicious killer. - Dr. Evil
AUSTIN : I love you, Felicity.
FELICITY : And I love you.
AUSTIN : Do you want to get married?
FELICITY : Absolutely not.
AUSTIN : Thank God.
so now... for the quotes from HP POA
MARGE : And do they use the cane at St. Brutus's, boy?
HARRY : Oh, yes. I've been beaten loads of times.
It doesn't matter about the father. In the end it comes down to the mother. You see it all the time with dogs. If there's something wrong with the bitch, there'll be something wrong with the pup... - Marge
STAN SHUNPIKE : Welcome to the Knight Bus. Emergency transport for the stranded witch or wizard. My name is Stan Shunpike, and I will be your conductor this evening.
Wha' choo doin' down there?
HARRY : Fell over.
STAN SHUNPIKE : Wha' choo fall over for?
HARRY : I didn't do it on purpose.
STAN SHUNPIKE : Well, come on then. Let's not wait for the grass to grow.
Hey, hey guys, whay the long faces? - Shrunken head
RON : I'm warning you, Hermione! Keep that bloody beast of yours away from Scabbers or I'll turn it into a tea cozy.
HERMIONE : He's a cat, Ronald! What do you expect? It's in his nature.
RON : A cat! Is that what they told you? Looks more like a pig with hair if you ask me.
HERMIONE : That's rich coming from the owner of that smelly old shoe brush.
GEORGE : Not flashing that clipping about again, are you, Ron?
RON : I haven't shown anyone!
FRED : No, not a soul. Unless you count Tom. The day maid. The night maid. The cook. The bloke that came to fix the toilet. That wizard from Belgium...
Why would I go looking for someone who wants to kill me? - Harry
RON : Who d'you reckon he is?
HERMIONE : Professor R.J. Lupin.
RON : You know everything. How is it she knows everything?
HERMIONE : It's on his suitcase Ronald.
HERMIONE : But they'll catch Black, won't they? I mean... eventually?
RON : Sure -- Of course, just that no one's ever broken out of Azkaban before and he's a raving, murderous lunatic...
You're not dangerous at all, are you, you great ugly brute -- - Draco
PANSY : Does it hurt terribly, Draco?
DRACO : It comes and goes. Still... I consider myself lucky. According to Madam Pomfrey, another minute or two... and I could've lost my arm.
This class is ridiculous... - Draco
SNAPE : Thank you for that assesment Mr. Malfoy. That is the second time you have spoken out of turn, Miss Granger. Tell me. Are you incapable of restraining yourself? Or do you take pride in being an insufferable know-it-all?
RON : He's got a point, you know.
HARRY : What's this rubbish?
FRED : Rubbish he says. That there's the secret to our success. But we've decided your needs are greater than ours. George, if you will...
GEORGE : I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.
HARRY : 'Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs are proud to present The Marauder's Map'...?
GEORGE : Ah... Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs. We owe them so much.
HARRY : Hang on. This is Hogwarts! And that... No. Is that really...
FRED : Dumbledore.
GEORGE : In his study.
FRED : Pacing.
GEORGE : Does that a lot.
HARRY : You mean, this map shows...
FRED : Everyone.
HARRY : Everyone?
GEORGE : Everyone.
FRED : Where they are.
GEORGE : What they're doing.
FRED : Every minute.
GEORGE : Of every day.
HARRY : Brilliant! Where'd you get it?
FRED : Nicked it from Filch's office, of course, first year. Now listen. There's seven secret passageways out of the castle. But we'd recommend...
FRED/GEORGE : This one.
GEORGE : The One-Eyed Witch on the third floor.
HARRY : The One-Eyed...
FRED : Witch, right. But you best hurry. Filch is heading this way. Oh. And, Harry? When you're done, make sure to give it a tap and say, 'Mischief managed.' Otherwise, anyone can read it.
Well, well. Look who's here. You two shopping for your dream home? Seems a bit grand for you, Weasel- Bee. Don't your family all sleep in one room? - Draco
He was their friend. And he betrayed them. He was their friend! I hope he finds me. Because when he does, I'm going to be ready. When he does, I'm going to kill him. - Harry
My dad didn't strut. Nor do I. Now, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate you lowering your wand. - Harry
HARRY : 'Messrs. Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs offer their compliments to Professor Snape and...'
SNAPE : Go on.
HARRY : '... and request that he keep his abnormally large nose out of other people's business.'
You... foul... loathsome... evil... little cockroach... - Hermione
HERMIONE : I think you owe someone an apology.
RON : Right. Next time I see Crookshanks, I'll let him know.
Here, Beaky... Come and get the nice dead ferret... - Hermione
HARRY : Now he's coming towards us...
HERMIONE : Right. Didn't think about that. RUN!
But i don't like FLYIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING!!! - Hermione
RON : How'd you two get over there? I was just talking to you... over there.
HERMIONE : What's he talking about Harry?
HARRY : Honestly Ron, how can anybody be in two places at the same time.
.not included in the show.
Ron : And this bloody cat ate my rat!
HERMIONE : That's a lie!
RON : It is not and you bloody well know it!
END OF QUOTES
sometimes i ask myself and wonder...
if i've forgotten you...
because you seem to have dissapeared from my mind...
i've found the answer...
no.
i haven't.
and i doubt i ever will...
the only reason why you're not in my mind...
is because you've moved into my heart.
every breath i take...
every time i close my eyes...
i see you smiling back at me...
i hear you whisper that maybe...
one day...
i'll be able to see you again...
that's when i start to question if miracles exist.
i believe that people are granted a miracle each...
i've used my miracle...
my miracle...
was meeting you.
Urm... a little bored... so...
HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE
DUDLEY : How many are there?
VERNON : 36, Counted them myself.
DUDLEY : 36?! BUT LAST YEAR LAST YEAR I HAD 37!!!
VERNON : Yes, but some of them are a bit bigger than last year's!
DUDLEY : I don't care how big they are!
Blown up?! You told me my parents died in a car crash! - Harry
VERNON : I will not pay to have some crack pot old fool teach him magic tricks!
HAGRID : Never insult Albus Dumbledore in front of me...
MRS. WEASLEY : Fred you next.
GEORGE WEASLEY : He's not Fred I am!
FRED WEASLEY : Honestly, woman you call yourself our mother!
MRS. WEASLEY : I'm sorry George.
FRED WEASLEY : Only joking! I am Fred.
GEORGE WEASLEY : Our job is to make sure that you don't get bloody up too bad.
Can't make any promises of course. Rough game Quidditch.
FRED WEASLEY : Brutal! But, nobody's died in years.
Someone vanishes occasionally.
GEORGE WEASLEY : But they'll turn up in a month or two!
HERMIONE : Now, if you two don't mind, I'm going to bed before either of you come up with another clever idea
to get us killed or worse... expelled.
RON WEASLEY : She needs to sort out her priorities.
No, stop stop stop! You're going to take someone's eye out!
Besides, you're saying it wrong. It's Levi-o-sa, not Leviosar. - hermione
OLIVER WOOD : Scared, Harry?
HARRY : A little.
OLIVER WOOD : It's alright. I felt the same way before my first game.
HARRY : What happened?
OLIVER WOOD : I.. uh...I don't really remember... Took a Bludger to the head two minutes in.
Woke in the hospital a week later.
DRACO : Wait till my father hears about this! This is servant stuff.
HARRY : If I didn't know better Draco, I'd say you were scared.
DRACO : scared Potter... Did you hear that?
HARRY : Come on Fang... scared...
RON WEASLEY : But if he comes back, you don't think he'll try to kill you, do you?
HARRY : I think if he had his chance he would have tried to kill me tonight.
RON WEASLEY : And to think, I've been worrying about my Potions final.
Well of course he was interested in Fluffy!
How often do you come across three headed dogs do you come across even if you're in the trade?
But I told him, I said, I said, "The trick with any beast is to know how to calm him."
Take Fluffy for example, just play him a bit of music and he falls straight asleep.
I shouldn't have told you that. Where are you going? Where are you---? - Hagrid
Kill us faster? Oh now I can relax! - Ron
What happened down in the dungeons between you and Professor Quirrell is a complete secret. So naturally the whole school knows. - Dumbledore
Bertie Bott's Every Flavor Beans. I was most unfortunate in my youth to come across a vomit flavor one.
Since then I'm afraid I've lost my liking for them. But I think I could be safe with a nice toffee. Alas! Earwax! - Dumbledore
HAGRID : Oh. Go on. On with you. On with you now. On with you. Oh, listen, Harry.
If that dolt of a cousin of yours Dudley gives you any grief you can always um...
threaten him, with a nice pair of ears to go with that tail of his.
HARRY : But Hagrid, we're not allowed to do magic away from Hogwarts. You know that.
HAGRID : I know that. But your cousin don't do he?
END OF FIRST MOVIE QUOTES!!! =]
HARRY POTTER AND THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS
I thought he got the second bedroom because Mum was afraid he'd turn us into dung beetles
if you put him back in the cupboard under the stairs. - Dudley
I'm sorry. It's our nephew. Verydisturbed. Meeting strangers upsets him, so we kept him upstairs... - Vernon
You best hope I don't put bars on your window, Ronald Weasley! - Mrs. Weasley
Did you now! How'd it go?! I... I mean... That was very wrong, boys. Very wrong indeed.
So, Harry. You must know all about Muggles. Tell me, what exactly is the function of a
rubber duck? - Mr. Weasley
Famous Harry Potter.Can't even go into a bookshop without making the front page. - Draco
Look, Potter. You've got yourself a girlfriend! - Draco
RON : Hold on!
HARRY : I'm trying! Your hand's all sweaty!
HARRY : I think we found the train.
RON : My wand! Look at my wand!
HARRY : Be thankful it's not your neck.
RON : Say it. I'm doomed.
HARRY : You're doomed.
Bloody bird's a menace.. - Ron on his owl, Errol
I... don't... like... spiders. - Ron
Hang on now. I'm drinking nothing with Crabbe's toenails in it. - Ron on the polyjuice potion
You'd better clear off before my bones come back, Dobby, or I might strangle you! - Harry
Weasley's wand causes devastation with the simplest spells. We'll be sending Potter to the hospital wing in a matchbox. - Snape
Make way for the Heir of Slytherin! Seriously evil wizard coming through! - Fred
Ugh. Essence of Crabbe... - Ron on the polyjuice potion
RON : But it can't hurt if someone throws something at you.
I mean, it'd just go right through you,wouldn't it?
MOANING MYRTLE : Oh sure! Let's all throw books atMyrtle, because she can't feel it!
Ten points if you can get it through her stomach. Fifty if it goes through her head!
That'd be a cheerful visit. Hullo, Hagrid. Tell us, have you been setting anything mad and hairy loose in the castle lately? - Ron
That's Hermione. When in doubt, go to the library - Ron
WOOD : Listen up now. We play our game, Hufflepuff doesn't stand a chance.
We're stronger, quicker, smarter.
GEORGE : Not to mention they're dead terrified Harry'll Petrify them if they fly anywhere near him.
WOOD : That, too.
However... you will find that I will only truly have left this school when none here are loyal to me.
You will also find that help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who... ask for it. - Dumbledore
Why spiders. Why couldn't it be 'Follow the butterflies'? - Ron
Oh, Harry... if you die down there, you're welcome to share my toilet. - Moaning Myrtle
Hello. Odd sort of place, this, isn't it? Do you live here? - Lockhart
A diary that writes back to you!
Honestly, Ginny! What were you thinking?
Haven't I always told you?
Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't
see where it keeps its brain! - Molly
Sorry I'm late. The owl deliverin' my release papers got all lost 'n confused. Some ruddy bird named Errol. - hagrid
END OF THE SECOND SHOW...
it's late though... so as for those highly amusing quotes from the third show.. i will post them later...
=]